From the time I found out that I was pregnant, I sort of knew that this child would be just mine and I would raise him alone but I was in denial.
I love that God doesn’t let anything happen without warning or preparing us for it. The signs are always there, God is always speaking but most times, we are the problem, we don’t listen but in the end He still makes all things to work for our good.
During the early weeks of pregnancy, I stumbled upon the verse that says “God is a father to the fatherless and a husband to a widow”. I wasn’t and I am not a widow plus my son’s father was still around at that time so I didn’t really put meaning to the verse until months later.
I knew this child was special, I could sense that I had stepped into a new season. I felt it was a new beginning, more like God giving me a second chance. So, I cut my hair, I blocked a lot of my contacts and let go of most of my friends. I was letting go of the Old, to make room for the new. I could perceive that the journey I was on, was one that most people would not understand and it was best to let them go.
God had started to turn my life around and I didn’t even realise it. I had suddenly become a brand-new person. It was no longer me living but Christ living through me. The Lord told me the names to give my child, but I thought it was all up in my head. I desperately wanted it to be a girl, but I could only come up with names for a boy and kept wondering why.
Fast forward to 2years later, I was raising a fine little boy and had healed from an experience that the devil intended to destroy me but God used it to birth my purpose.
There were days that parenting would reach its peak and staying alone with a child would get to me. And the enemy would try to make me walk back to the past and think of how my baby daddy left me for another woman while I was pregnant or how I was homeless, broke and in despair throughout my pregnancy.
But that verse would quickly pop up like a shield and I would shout it out loud, “God is my son’s father and my husband because he is a father to the fatherless and a husband to the widow”! And whenever I said this, I would feel a blanket of love envelop me and my strength would be renewed.
I know there are stressful days that make you wish you could just say “honey it’s your turn to take care of the child”, or “son go play with your Daddy because mommy is busy”. Well, there are days where I have deadlines, my son is acting up and doesn’t understand when I tell him that I am busy and can’t play. On such days, This verse would pop up again and I would smile and boldly say “God, my darling husband please send an angel to play with my son.”
Well, there was this phase that my son went through, where he called me mommy and Daddy because to be honest, I was both. I don’t even know how this started but Then after a while, he switched and only called me daddy because to him, all my friends who had kids were also his mommy. Well it was funny at first and thought it would wear out but when it carried on and people on the street or bus would raise eyebrows every time he calls me Dad instead of mom, I started to worry.
Worry turned to blame, that “maybe I should have tried harder to get his dad involved or maybe I need to start dating so that he has a father figure in his life”. Anxiety stepped in “but what if I introduce him to the wrong guy or how will I eventually teach him how to pee?” “I hope he will not grow up in a feminine way because he only learns from me, will the guy that I will marry love and accept my son as his own? Will his family accept us?”
I had forgotten that God was my husband, I had forgotten that my son was not fatherless. I had forgotten that God promised that our children would have God as their teacher. I had forgotten that God knows the plan he has for me, one that is good and has a future filled with hope. I was drowning in a puddle assuming that it is a lake.
What I have learnt is that the key to this journey is to enjoy every moment. To not compare or wish it was different but to own our journey and remember that everything works for good for those who love the Lord.
I just want you to always remember that You are a superhero and can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. God is your husband and a father to that precious child, ever present and ever faithful.
Rooting for you,
Your fellow Superhero Tasha